


Flatmate

by phanmate



Category: Phan, Phandom, phanfiction - Fandom
Genre: Canon Gay Relationship, Cute Dan Howell/Phil Lester, Dan Howell - Freeform, Domestic Dan Howell/Phil Lester, Fluff and Angst, Gay Dan Howell, Gay Male Character, Gay Phil Lester, Hazel Hayes - Freeform, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multi, Original Character(s), Other, POV Dan Howell, POV Phil Lester, Phan - Freeform, Phanfiction, Phil Lester - Freeform, Sad Dan Howell, dodie - Freeform, dodie clark - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-11-30 17:37:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11468403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phanmate/pseuds/phanmate
Summary: “You can’t let me go back to him, Dodie. If I tell you I’m back in the U.K, you have to come find me and force me to go back to L.A. I cannot go back to him, Dodie, or I’ll be so much worse off than I am now. I won’t be able to trust myself or him or anyone and the relationship will just crumble again but it’ll be a new heartbreak, and I know I won’t be able to handle it. Please, Dodie.”--Dan Howell





	1. Phil

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Hope you like this. It was supposed to be put up right when D+P moved out of their old London flat (the one they lived in together for 5 YEARS, remember that??), but I didn't have time lol.  
> Love you all! <3

The bag of groceries swung in my hand as I jogged up the stairs to our new flat. I couldn’t stop smiling.  
We had just moved into our new flat and loved it. It was so much bigger than our last one and allowed animals. (I was especially excited about that. When I found out, I knew; “That’s the one,” I told Dan, and he laughed. “I take it we’re getting a corgi, then?”)  
The door was locked.  
Why would Dan lock the door? I thought. He knew I was coming.  
With a sigh, I inserted my key into the lock. I shook the handle a few times, but the door wouldn’t budge. Eyebrows furrowed, I knocked on the door. I glanced down at my phone to see if Dan had texted me that he was going out, but he hadn’t.  
The door opened a crack. It wasn’t Dan, though. It was a girl. She didn’t open the door any wider, so her face was masked in shadows.  
“Yes?”  
I knew that voice...Dodie! It was Dodie Clark, the ukulele girl from YouTube. Oh, God. I glanced up at the flat number, cheeks flaming. Our flat was B21, not B12.  
“Um, hello, I’m terribly sorry to disturb you. I thought this was our flat, but, um, it’s obviously not.” I laughed nervously.  
Dodie slowly opened the door. “Phil...Lester? Is it?”  
I smiled, noticing in the light that her eyes were seven different colors. “Yes, it is. And you are Dodie Clark.”  
She held out her hand. “Pleased to meet you.”  
Dodie seemed nice enough, but when I looked closer, her kaleidoscope eyes were empty and tired.  
“I didn’t wake you up, did I?” I asked, suddenly worried.  
She shook her head. “No, no. I just...haven’t been sleeping well lately. I’m sorry, I’m probably not the best of company right now.”  
“Not a problem,” I assured. “At any rate, I should be going. Dan will be waiting.”  
She nodded, giving me a small smile. I started walking down the hall.  
“Phil!”  
I turned to see Dodie standing outside her flat. I could see all of her now.  
She wasn’t as small as her air gave off. She was only a few inches shorter than me, with a petite top half and a wide bottom half. Her hair was loose around her face and she wore a pink sweater that slipped off one shoulder.  
“Yeah?”  
She leaned a hand against the doorframe, “Um, now that we’re neighbours, we should get together sometime. Me, you, and Dan. Maybe have a cup of tea? Or...if you wanted, make videos? Together? Maybe?” She seemed uncomfortable, like she wasn’t used to people.  
I smiled. “We would love that!”  
I hoped she wouldn’t notice that I spoke for Dan. I always did. It was habit; I just always knew what Dan would want. And it was usually harmonious with what I wanted.  
Dodie smiled back, relieved, as though she thought that because we had so many subscribers that we wouldn’t want to collab with her, which was absolutely not true. Dan once said it wasn’t the number of subscribers that mattered, it was the content. And then he said something about how he had yet to turn anyone down for a collab because his content was “about as shitty as it gets”. I laughed when he said that. And disagreed.  
I shifted my feet. “Well, you have a nice day, I suppose.”  
“You as well.” Dodie took a step towards her flat.  
I only looked back once.


	2. Dan

I lifted a box onto the table. So many plants, I thought as I pried it open and saw seemingly endless green. I heard someone approaching the front door but didn’t move from my spot; I kind of couldn’t. I was surrounded by boxes.  
You could say I’m boxed in, I thought with a smirk.  
The door was pushed open and then there was Phil. “Hey, it’s me,” he called.  
“Hey,” I said, taking a plant out of the box on the table.  
Phil came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my chest and back in a hug. “You’ll never guess who our neighbor ten doors down is.”  
“Why do you know that?”  
“I accidentally went to flat 12 instead of 21. Anyway, guess who it is.”  
I leaned back in the chair and blew air out of my mouth as Phil set the groceries on the table in front of me. “Kanye?”  
Phil laughed. “I said you’d never guess.”  
“Trump?”  
“Don’t you wish. No; it’s Dodie Clark.”  
I stared at Phil. “Dodie...horrifyingly talented Dodie?”  
“Yeah, isn’t that a coincidence? She suggested that now that we’re neighbours we should make a video sometime.”  
“Yeah, that sounds great.”  
Phil strode across the kitchen. I tilted back on the chair so I could watch him. You might ask if I had learned my lesson after literally falling out of my chair in that one spooky week gaming video. The answer would be no. “Fans will go crazy. I can’t even count how many requests I’ve gotten for me to play piano while Dodie sings and plays ukulele.”  
Phil opened a cupboard. “Yeah?”  
“Yeah.”  
“That sounds fun.”  
“Uh...I guess?”  
“Do we have any tea?”  
“I told you to get some.”  
Phil shut the cabinet door. “Ugh. I forgot. I’ll be back in ten.” (That was another good thing about this flat; it was across the street from a Tesco.)  
I stood and pushed my arms through my jacket. “Can I go with you? I need to be active after being in this place for hours.”  
“Yeah.”  
I crossed the room to the front door, reaching for the knob. Phil met me there, flicking his eyes across the black shirt that stretched across my shoulders.  
“Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” Phil asked, and our eyes locked. For some ridiculous reason, Phil never seemed to understand why I would date him, when, apparently, there were much more attractive and interesting people out there that I could have my pick of.  
But I didn’t want them. Phil was my best friend. He was my sun, my light and my water and my air, and I had never even dreamed of being with anyone else. We just...fit together perfectly. In more ways than one.  
I stopped and lifted my hand to cradle Phil’s face. “Yeah, but you can tell me again. I won’t mind.”  
Phil was kissing me before I was even done talking.


	3. Dodie

I sat at the table with my face buried in my arms. Hazel walked in eating cereal, all long legs and Irish accents. “Who was that? That came to the door a while ago?”  
I didn’t look at her. “Phil Lester. Him and Dan are our neighbours now.”  
Hazel set down her cereal. “Is this a joke?”  
I shook my head, out of steam. I just didn’t care anymore.  
Hazel said in disbelief, “The Dan and Phil are in our apartment building right now?” I lifted my head to find that the question wasn’t really directed at me; more like the wall. Or the couch.  
“Actually, I’m pretty sure they went to lunch,” I said. I expected Hazel to ask how I knew that--to which I would reply, ‘Their laughs are loud. I could hear them through our paper thin walls.’--but she didn’t.  
Well, good, I thought. It would’ve been a lie anyway.  
I didn’t want to admit that I had been on the couch pretending to read, but peeking out the window every so often to see if they were there. I might act like I didn’t care that two of the most famous vloggers on YouTube lived ten doors down, but I was actually freaking out.  
“Dan is such a babe. Have you seen his legs?”  
I rolled my eyes but inwardly agreed. His legs were better than mine. Which I realize isn’t saying much. “You realize they’re dating, right?”  
Hazel jerked her head to look at me. “No, they’re not.”  
“Yes, they are. They’re practically married.” For some reason this made me want to cry.  
“They’re not gay,” Hazel said, doubtful.  
I had a headache. And Hazel was getting on my nerves. “Yes, they are.”  
Hazel shrugged it off, apparently not wanting to argue. While she bustled about, getting ready for the day, I just stayed there, kind-of-sleeping at the table because I hadn’t gotten any sleep the night before.  
I had gone to a party, come home drunk, and stayed up the rest of the night crying. I was still kind of angry at myself for breaking my sobriety. I had been doing really well. But if there was one thing I had learned about my depression, it was that it numbed all other emotions. I never really felt anything in full force--not even sadness. I just felt empty inside, like I was incapable of emotions.  
After a while, Hazel left for work, so I went to my room and slept (finally), then got dressed. I should go somewhere, I thought. I opened the door, not thinking about where I would go or what I would do.  
To my dismay, I picked the exact time to step out of my flat that Dan and Phil were coming up the stairs, laughing. Again. I panicked and spun around quickly, fiddling with my keys so I wouldn’t have to talk to them. It was no use.  
“Dodie?”  
I closed my eyes. That voice. I turned. “Yes?”  
Dan smiled at me and bombs went off in my stomach. “I guess we’re neighbours now, huh?”  
“So it seems.”  
Dan’s eyes were so alert, I noticed. So...awake. Like he was trying to absorb everything he could about the world through his eyes. “We’ll have to get together sometime. I’ve wanted to collab with you for a while, but it’s just never worked out.”  
I smiled at him and tried not to think about the fact that he had wanted to collab with me. Me. Dodie Clark.  
“Yeah, I’ve gotten a lot of fans saying we should do a musical number together,” which was true. The requests on Twitter were endless.  
Dan laughed. “Same here! I’m like, just because I play an instrument doesn’t mean I’m good at it.”  
I laughed a little even though it wasn't funny, then glanced at Phil. He didn’t seem the least bit jealous. If anything, he seemed happier when he was with Dan. He was just watching us with this big smile on his face, like Dan was the moon and the stars and everything perfect rolled into one.  
They’re not dating, I scoffed. Ha. That’s a good one.


	4. Phil

A little over 2 weeks after we moved in, Dan and I were doing--I know--more unpacking when I heard a knock at the door.  
I was closest, so I got up and opened the door. It was Dodie. She looked like she had been crying and could start up again at any moment.  
"Dodie?"  
She stumbled into the apartment and vomited in the trash can we had just bought.  
"Oh my God, Dodie, what happened?" I grabbed a bottle of water while Dan held Dodie's hair away from her face.  
She retched even though there was nothing in her. After a while, she slumped onto the floor. Dan lifted her up and onto the couch.  
"Are you alright?" I asked, even though it was obvious she wasn't.  
She shook her head weakly.   
"What happened?" Dan sat next to Dodie on the couch, his arm protectively on the back of the couch around her.  
She closed her eyes. "I don't...I'm not...really ready to talk about it yet."  
"Oh. Okay. That's fine," Dan said. "Do you want us to stay, or we can go in the other room, or...?"  
Dodie opened her eyes, somehow looking at both of us and neither of us. "Stay. Please stay."  
I nodded, kneeling on the floor by the couch. After a while, Dodie reached for our hands and leaned her head back gingerly. Her hand was clammy and cold, but I liked holding the hand of someone who was just a friend, someone who wasn't interested in me, someone who I didn't have to worry about getting worried for.  
Eventually Dodie fell asleep, but me and Dan stayed there holding her hands for a long, long time.


	5. Dodie

I wish I hadn’t been the one to find her. Because if I hadn’t, then I wouldn’t have had the memory of her blank eyes in the bathtub, the silence that plagued the house, the needle that was still limp in her hand.  
If I hadn’t been the one to find her, then I probably would’ve been okay. I would be sad for a while, but I would be fine.  
But I was the one to find her. I was her roommate and I was the one to find her and somehow that made my brain feel like it was my fault even though it wasn’t.  
And I don’t even know why it happened. I had thought Hazel was happy with her life, a happy person in general, not the kind of person to OD.  
I guess I didn’t really know her at all.  
After I found her, time was nonexistent. First it went slower than anything I had ever experienced. I stayed frozen there in the bathroom, staring like a stone statue. Then everything went so fast I got dizzy; calling the police and waiting in a daze, sunk into the couch while paramedics and policemen and various other people filed in and out of the house like soldiers.  
Sometimes I wonder if law enforcement even realizes--or cares--that these are actual lives that they’re handling. Lives that can change in a matter of seconds, lives as real and complex as their own.  
I thought about nothing and everything; nothing that mattered so I didn’t have to think about the everything that was in that bathroom.  
When everyone was gone and all the questions had been answered and I was left sitting there alone on the couch, the full weight of the situation slammed into me.  
Would I have to be the one to call Hazel’s family? I had never even met them. Would there be a viewing? Probably not, seeing as her body was pumped with heroin. Where would I live? I couldn’t pay the rent by myself.  
After a while I started crying, large ugly sobs that wracked my body and wouldn’t go away.  
I wish I hadn’t been the one to find her.  
I felt cramped. I felt enclosed and tight and alone in this place where someone had died. I couldn’t breathe. I fumbled for the doorknob.  
Where would I live?  
I went to the first place I could think of.  
B21.


	6. Phil

Dodie woke up screaming. Me and Dan had been working around her quietly, keeping an eye on her. Someone had called us a few minutes before, making sure Dodie was there and safe and telling us everything that had happened.  
We both jumped when she bolted up, tears erupting from her eyes and terror in her mouth. Dan held her arms and spoke gently but firmly. “It’s okay, you’re okay, you’re safe. It’s over. The nightmare is over.”  
She was shaking so hard. “It’s not over,” she said, her voice trembling. “It’s never over.”  
Dan turned on the T.V. to a cartoon station just so Dodie could try to get her mind off of everything. I don’t think it worked.  
After a few minutes of watching the show next to Dodie on the couch, Dan leaned over to make eye contact with me. He tilted his head towards the kitchen. I nodded. We got up softly so as not to disturb Dodie.  
“Phil, I think we should let Dodie stay here,” Dan said.  
I stared at him. “Dan--”  
“No. I know you’re going to say we were just about to announce everything to the audience, but I don’t care. We can...postpone it for a while, or I guess we can still do it. Why does it matter if Dodie is here for it or not? She already knows we’re dating. We can even ask her to go out for a while when we make the video so we’re alone for it. And it’s not like we don’t have the extra room…” His voice faded off as he watched for my reaction.  
I was looking at him with this faint smile on my face. He could shock me sometimes. “You know how much I love you, right?”  
“Is that a yes?”  
I laughed. “Yes, of course! Yes!”  
Dodie was looking over at us now, as we were no longer attempting indoor voices. “What’s going on?” she asked, her voice low and vaguely raspy.  
Me and Dan exchanged a glance and proceeded to sit next to Dodie on the couch. Dan didn’t beat around the bush. “Dodie...we’ve been thinking, and we’ve decided that we want you to stay with us until you can get back on your feet and find a more permanent place to stay. Honestly, we have a spare room and are pretty well off, and we want to help you. So...do you want to?” He said the last bit hesitantly, as if it had just occurred to him that maybe she would say no.  
Dodie flicked her eyes between the two of us. “Are you serious?”  
I nodded. “And you can stay as long as you need.”  
She blinked. “Um, yeah. Yeah, that would be great. Thank you guys.”  
I liked that she didn’t try to refuse, that she knew when she needed help and accepted it. That was a good quality to have. Dan smiled and turned his head towards the T.V. We all did. Dodie held our hands again until we all fell asleep, exhausted from the long day we’d had.  
This time her hands were warm.


	7. Dan

After we had helped Dodie bring over all her stuff, she helped us do more unpacking and also, interior decorating. She showed us how to make everyday things aesthetic--which I loved--and somehow we ended up crowded around Dodie’s laptop on our bed while she showed us supreme and unique examples of flawless aesthetic. (Most of them were from Connor’s Instagram.)  
Dodie reached over me to pick up Note to Self, which she had just unpacked from my “books” box. (She was ecstatic to know that we had a mutual friend. And that I would go out of my way to buy the book.)  
“Look at this cover. It’s so beautiful, an angel may as well have created it out of clouds and happy thoughts.”  
I laughed. “Um, I’m pretty sure that’s not how creation works?”  
The cover was pretty amazing.  
It was almost dinnertime, and we ordered a pizza so we didn’t have to cook anything. We were all pretty tired, seeing as we slept on a couch all night.  
“We didn’t get hardly any unpacking done today,” I realized as I looked around the living room.  
“Worth it for the lesson on proper decor. You two needed it,” Dodie said, joking. Her heart didn’t seem to be in it, though, which wasn’t unusual. Sometimes she would just go really quiet, staring at nothing and presumably thinking about Hazel. I tried to imagine what it would feel like to find Phil dead in the bathtub, but I couldn’t. It made bile rise up in my throat, a bad memory that hadn’t even happened. I don’t know how Dodie was as fine as she was. Actually, I do. Dodie and Hazel weren’t dating.  
The pizza came and we all sat around the table, me and Phil recounting the 47 stairs we had had to go down to get to the front door and thanking God that this house wasn’t as tall.  
“And we order takeout every day except baking video days,” I said, cracking up. “We fool the audience into thinking we can cook, but we really only do it 2 days a year.”  
We were all laughing. I thought it was cute how Dodie bit the edge of her tongue when she laughed, just like Phil.  
Eventually we calmed down, but Dodie still smiled. “I’m going to cook all the time for you guys, just so you can remember what an actual meal tastes like.”  
I tried to argue that pumpkin spice pumpkin cookies were an actual meal, but Dodie didn’t buy it and just laughed at me instead.  
It was a good day, despite being the one after probably one of the worst days in Dodie’s life.


End file.
